anditllallbeokay

well navy bear, i know this is really late and you’ve probably forgotten, but I feel like I owe this to you. I really hope you’re reading this. I don’t really quite understand how you feel towards me, whether its hate or not, but I really hope its not. And even so, I still hope this matters. I know what I did to you, and I know how wrong it was. Sometimes I look back at myself and realize how immature and stupid I acted, but I feel like I had way too  many of those moments with you. I feel like I have a lot left unsaid to you that will never be said, and it hurts. I love you, and I know you know that. I don’t really care who knows that. I know you had a lot of anger towards me, and I don’t blame you, but I thought sending you a letter while you were angry may not be the best thing. Remembering us is so bittersweet to me. I really loved you, still do, and always will. It’s much different now, and its starting to hurt a little bit less, but in my heart I know that I’ll never be able to fully erase you from my mind, or my heart.I’ve moved on from our relationship, but it’ll never be the same. You will always first and foremost be my best friend. I hope that you and i can still be friends, I know we wont ever be the kind of friends I wish we could be, its impossible. I hope that if you ever think of me, or if I ever somehow cross your mind, that you think of the good times we had together. I know we had problems, a lot more than normal people should, but I guess it was meant to be this way. But nonetheless, you were my best friend more than anything. You knew everything about me, and knowing that now is the most difficult part. Because I know it will never be the same. And its definitely not a picnic for me to watch you with her. But I want you to be happy, because in my heart you’ll always be my best friend, sailor. I’m extremely proud of who you are, and I hope you can forgive the wrong I’ve done you in time. And I never expect you to forgive my mom, but I’m writing this on my behalf, not hers. She didn’t have any say in my feelings towards you, despite what you think, in my mind, you were before her. I feel really lucky to have been part of your life and that I got the chance to get to know the real you. It’s still kinda emotional for me, but I know thats not what youd want, so I’ve tried to grow up and accept how things are, which works sometimes but I promised you Id write you, whether you care or not. I hope that you’re happy, and I mean that. I feel like you are, from seeing you and whatever. But I hope that the memories I’ve made with you will last, and that you wont forget me, because I sure wont forget you. I hope you know that I’ll always be here for you whenever you need me, and I’ll always hold a really special place for you in my heart no matter what. I’ve kept your blanket around (don’t worry, I don’t sleep with it, i’ve weaned myself off), but if you still want it, you can have it. The navy’s one lucky place to get someone like you. And I still consider myself really lucky to have had you. I love and miss you, I’ll be seeing you.

Forever, 

Tori